I suppose you can tell that I’m really being inspired to write about…inspirational things these days. Can you tell I’m feeling reflective?

I’m preparing to speak at my church tomorrow. I have to tell you—I hate to speak in front of people. I get sick to my stomach like you wouldn’t believe. I dread it, avoid it, try to get out of it every time, but somehow I seem to end up…speaking in front of people again.

It’s not something I aspire to do…really. But for some reason, it’s something I find I can’t run from. I’ve tried!

We’ve changed churches recently…we went from a church with a membership of 1500 to a very small church with a membership of somewhere (guessing) in the neighborhood of 300. At our last church, I was a Superintendent, in charge of speaking on inspirational messages prior to the sermon in front of the congregation. It was up to me to choose the topic, and I struggled with "stage-fright" every single time. I would try to get out of my turn but never seemed to manage it.

So when we changed churches, I thought "aha! No more speaking! I won’t breathe a word to ANYONE about what I did at the last church! This time I’ll get involved "behind the scenes" and serve in a *quiet* role at church."

Funny thing. You can’t run from God. Remember Jonah? Tried to run away from God and couldn’t hide? Ended up in the belly of a great fish for 3 days and 3 nights?

I felt like Jonah…especially the night the Pastor at the new church called and said "Teri, we would love to have you involved at our church in the role of…Superintendent, speaking on topics of inspiration…".

DOH!

And the strange thing is, and how do I say this humbly…as much as I *hate* and *fear* speaking in front of large groups of people, it’s a gift that God has given me that He somehow won’t let me escape.

As much as I fear it, the minute I start speaking, the fear drains away and something takes over and I just seem to…become someone who seems to love to speak in front of large groups of people!!! It’s so very strange.

So what in the world am I getting at? I don’t even know. Except that it’s 10:54pm the night before another "speech" and I’m…sick to my stomach…again. Ugh.

My topic?

Servanthood.

I’ve learned something very, very important the past few weeks: the most important role we have in this life is learning to truly and simply…

serve others.

To be a servant, you have to have a certain mental attitude. And to God, our attitudes matter more than our achievements or finanical successes.

I was driving to work the other day and I was thinking to myself, "why have I chosen to be in a new role at a company I’ve worked at as a manager for so many years? Why would anyone in their right mind *love* "going backwards" in their career, as in stepping down from a management role to a role of simply covering people on the vacations? And why am I even *in* this role? What’s this all about? I chose this role…I wanted this role…what’s it all about?"

And then it hit me.

In the simplification of my work-life, God is teaching me the most important *role* I have yet to learn…

What it’s like to truly *serve* others. What it’s like to humble yourself and become a previous employee’s…assistant. What it’s like to no longer be considered a "player" in a large corporation. Giving up your title, your status, the respect of those that now think your crazy. The humbleness of becoming "less important" somehow in a company that stresses financial success and numbers and market share. What it’s like to know the true meaning of…Servanthood beyond customer care.

God often tests our hearts by asking us to serve in ways we aren’t comfortable serving.

In "The Purpose Driven Life", Rick Warren states "The world defines greatness in terms of power, possessions, prestige, and position. If you can demand service from others, you’ve arrived. In our self-serving culture with its ‘me-first’ mentality, acting like a servant is not a popular concept…but God determines your greatness by how many people you serve, which in contrary to the worlds idea of greatness."

Thousands of books have been written on leadership…but few on Servanthood. Why? Because a book on "servanthood" simply wouldn’t sell in our society! People don’t typically strive to be servants—they strive to be leaders.

I called Don that morning on the cell, and said "I get it. I really get it Don. This is beyond my photography business. This is beyond achieving an end goal. This is more than moving into a role that facilitates retiring from a company ultimately to run my photography business full time…although God willing, all of that will happen. It’s about learning to truly understand the meaning of…serving others. And now I know what I’m going to talk about at church this weekend…servanthood!"

So…here I sit. Now it’s 11:10 and I’m still formulating how I’m going to translate what’s in my heart and in my head to yet another group of people…

Yes, this is a photography blog. Yes, it’s a blog about my photography business. But in the end, I’ve chosen to share the "person behind the photography business and blog". Someone (an acquaintence—see definition in previous post) recently said "I wonder what people would think if they knew the person behind the blog!".

Well…I’m an imperfect person, striving to be perfect but falling short daily. I fail but ask God to pick me back up. I sin, but ask God to forgive and am so grateful that He does. I’m passionate about what I believe in and the things and people I love. I’m reflective about a lot of things in life. I’m compelled to translate what I *see* in the hearts of others through artistic images called photographs.

And…

I’m simply a servant. In the eyes of God, I’m simply here to serve Him in whatever capacity He sees fit. And right now, He sees fit to scoot me up on to yet another *stage*…to speak about it all. Please say a prayer for me. I’m sick to my stomach…again.

When he had finished washing their feet, he put on his clothes and returned to his place. "Do you understand what I have done for you?" he asked them. "You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord,’ and rightly so, for that is what I am. Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. I tell you the truth, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them." John 13:12-17 NIV.